So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
