And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she smelled like a LAN party
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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