I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
