I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
