How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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