Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
