i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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