i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
