YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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