So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
that's an acceptable place to lick
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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