I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Randomize
