she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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