So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
