He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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