How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
3pm strippers are depressing
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
