If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
