So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Of course I have a pirate flag
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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