do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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