my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
