I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I touched a dick in church today
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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