My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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