It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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