I didn't shave. On purpose
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
