sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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