i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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