You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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