i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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