So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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