I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
