How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
