I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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