u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
