I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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