Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
