o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
