My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize