I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
