You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize