I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
