God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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