The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize