Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
