saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
