worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
