just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
