Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
