I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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