What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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