he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
