She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
