and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
