i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
