i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I woke up under a house in Key West
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
