yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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