I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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