The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
