I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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