Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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