Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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