i already hear my dad disowning me
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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