At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
