I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
