she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize