I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize