dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
