Barsexuality is the new black.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
